Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
There are a million things I want to do with my life!
The most important though is to be happy and to make my family happy. Nothing is as important to me as my family, and nothing will ever stop me from doing all I can to make sure they are happy and well cared for. I love my family more than anything in the whole world and our happiness means everything to me. I will do anything it takes to make sure we are all as happy as can be. How many times can one person say happy in 1 paragraph?!
I would like to volunteer. Right now I don't have time, energy or money to put towards volunteering and that is sad to me. Once we get to a point where I can be a SAHM. I would love to take a day or 2 a week to volunteer. I plan to teach B and any other children we may have that it is important to help others that have less than we do.
xoxo... P
Friday, October 8, 2010
Thursday, October 7, 2010
30 Days of Truth - Day 6
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Just thinking about this brings tears to my eyes. I hope to never have to bury a child. I cannot imagine the heartache and the pain that I would feel because of that. I don't know how I would handle it. I think I would become an empty shell of a the person that I am now. I don't think I would know how to function or move on in my life.
I have some very good friends who recently lost their baby girl at 31 weeks gestation. The strength that they are displaying right now amazes and inspires me. Of course they are heartbroken and of course they have bad days. They always will I'm sure. But they have resolved to live their lives as they always have and always would. Seeing them and hearing what they are doing inspires me so much. I'm bringing this up because I don't know that I would be able to continue my life in the way that they are. Just hearing their news I fell apart instantly. I have cried for them and for their loss many times since then. I know they think about their daughter all the time. More than anyone can even comprehend I'm willing to bet. If I were in their shoes I don't think I would be able to show the strength that they are.
And I just told Jeff that I hope I die before he does so I don't have to live without him. Since that is another thing that makes me cry thinking about it I'm not elaborating any more.
What a sad post!
xoxo...P
Just thinking about this brings tears to my eyes. I hope to never have to bury a child. I cannot imagine the heartache and the pain that I would feel because of that. I don't know how I would handle it. I think I would become an empty shell of a the person that I am now. I don't think I would know how to function or move on in my life.
I have some very good friends who recently lost their baby girl at 31 weeks gestation. The strength that they are displaying right now amazes and inspires me. Of course they are heartbroken and of course they have bad days. They always will I'm sure. But they have resolved to live their lives as they always have and always would. Seeing them and hearing what they are doing inspires me so much. I'm bringing this up because I don't know that I would be able to continue my life in the way that they are. Just hearing their news I fell apart instantly. I have cried for them and for their loss many times since then. I know they think about their daughter all the time. More than anyone can even comprehend I'm willing to bet. If I were in their shoes I don't think I would be able to show the strength that they are.
And I just told Jeff that I hope I die before he does so I don't have to live without him. Since that is another thing that makes me cry thinking about it I'm not elaborating any more.
What a sad post!
xoxo...P
30 Days of Truth - Day 4
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Right now the biggest thing I feel I need to forgive someone for is being a terrible friend. This I am having a hard time with because it was a "best friend" (or 2). They should know what they did and I doubt they do, which is part of what makes it so hard, and what makes me sad for them. Being a friend requires effort on both sides. I am sick of being the only one who made an effort for the last year +. And it isn't like this should be news to these friends because it has been discussed before. But sadly they don't have a clue. I'll admit that I have cut back on the effort that I am putting forth, but who wouldn't after being pretty much ignored for that long?. I mean even returning a phone call I made went unanswered or unreturned on more than one occasion.
I am not by any means saying I am the perfect friend. I know I'm not. I know that in the past I was 100% guilty of the very same thing. But I like to think that I have learned from my mistakes and I feel that these friends haven't.
But the worst part is something heinous that was done to my sister by one of these "friends". I doubt they read this blog (because of the lack of effort mentioned above) but just in case....yes I now know what you did and I doubt I will actually ever get to the forgiveness stage. Actually at this point I feel like you don't deserve another thought of mine. It floors me that a "good friend" or a "best friend" as you called yourself all these years would do something like that. I don't know how I (or my sister, mom, dad, brother and husband) will ever get over the thing that you did. And if I can't get over it I can't forgive it.
I don't feel a need to elaborate because if they read this and don't know that I am talking about them and the terrible thing they did to her then not only are they the biggest slimeball I have met they are the biggest dumbass too.
The motto is Forgive and Forget right? Not this time. I know that I don't have to forgive anyone of anything. It is my choice and I think I'm better off just forgetting. Forgetting the friendship.
Right now the biggest thing I feel I need to forgive someone for is being a terrible friend. This I am having a hard time with because it was a "best friend" (or 2). They should know what they did and I doubt they do, which is part of what makes it so hard, and what makes me sad for them. Being a friend requires effort on both sides. I am sick of being the only one who made an effort for the last year +. And it isn't like this should be news to these friends because it has been discussed before. But sadly they don't have a clue. I'll admit that I have cut back on the effort that I am putting forth, but who wouldn't after being pretty much ignored for that long?. I mean even returning a phone call I made went unanswered or unreturned on more than one occasion.
I am not by any means saying I am the perfect friend. I know I'm not. I know that in the past I was 100% guilty of the very same thing. But I like to think that I have learned from my mistakes and I feel that these friends haven't.
But the worst part is something heinous that was done to my sister by one of these "friends". I doubt they read this blog (because of the lack of effort mentioned above) but just in case....yes I now know what you did and I doubt I will actually ever get to the forgiveness stage. Actually at this point I feel like you don't deserve another thought of mine. It floors me that a "good friend" or a "best friend" as you called yourself all these years would do something like that. I don't know how I (or my sister, mom, dad, brother and husband) will ever get over the thing that you did. And if I can't get over it I can't forgive it.
I don't feel a need to elaborate because if they read this and don't know that I am talking about them and the terrible thing they did to her then not only are they the biggest slimeball I have met they are the biggest dumbass too.
The motto is Forgive and Forget right? Not this time. I know that I don't have to forgive anyone of anything. It is my choice and I think I'm better off just forgetting. Forgetting the friendship.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
30 Days of Truth - Day 3
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
I'm honestly having a very hard time coming up with anything to forgive myself for. I know that sounds conceited and like I think I'm perfect. But I'm not and I definitely don't. I just tend to forgive easily. Though I am hardest on myself.
I can think of something that I'm not 100% over though.
Going back to work. I feel terrible for leaving B. I feel like I should be there with her though I know I can't be. I know it is actually best for her because with me working we have extra money coming in to make sure her life is comfortable. I also know it is good for her because she will be used to being around other people and being in other places but it is still difficult for me to leave her.
I'm honestly having a very hard time coming up with anything to forgive myself for. I know that sounds conceited and like I think I'm perfect. But I'm not and I definitely don't. I just tend to forgive easily. Though I am hardest on myself.
I can think of something that I'm not 100% over though.
Going back to work. I feel terrible for leaving B. I feel like I should be there with her though I know I can't be. I know it is actually best for her because with me working we have extra money coming in to make sure her life is comfortable. I also know it is good for her because she will be used to being around other people and being in other places but it is still difficult for me to leave her.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
30 Days of Truth - Day 2
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
I am proud to say there are a few things I can say on this topic as well as yesterday's. This is a much happier topic.
I love that I am usually a positive person. I tend to see the good in people and situations. I don't see a point to be sad and depressed all the time. Sure I have bad days but overall I love like and I love the people in my life. They wouldn't be in my life if they weren't good people.
I also love that I love with my whole heart. Sure I have been heartbroken a few times because of it (and I don't just mean by guys - and I say guys because lets be honest Jeff is the first man I ever dated - I mean friends too.) Because I have learned how to do that I have more love in my life than I imagined possible. The love I have for my husband and my daughter rocks me to my core and without it I would be a totally different person.
I love that I have the ability to put the little things behind me and move on.
I love that I love life!
I am proud to say there are a few things I can say on this topic as well as yesterday's. This is a much happier topic.
I love that I am usually a positive person. I tend to see the good in people and situations. I don't see a point to be sad and depressed all the time. Sure I have bad days but overall I love like and I love the people in my life. They wouldn't be in my life if they weren't good people.
I also love that I love with my whole heart. Sure I have been heartbroken a few times because of it (and I don't just mean by guys - and I say guys because lets be honest Jeff is the first man I ever dated - I mean friends too.) Because I have learned how to do that I have more love in my life than I imagined possible. The love I have for my husband and my daughter rocks me to my core and without it I would be a totally different person.
I love that I have the ability to put the little things behind me and move on.
I love that I love life!
Monday, October 4, 2010
30 Days of Truths...
I know some of you have heard of this and I'm excited to do it. It will make me be totally honest with myself. I'm happy to be participating with my lovely ladies on my anniversary board and will be including my answers here as well.
Here is the list of the 30 Truths:
Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself
So here is todays truth: Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
After sitting down to think about this I honestly don't know where to start. There are so many things that I want to change about myself but am normally scared to think about and haven't done anything about. YET.
First I would have to say that I hate that I am scared to speak up for myself. If someone says something that I don't agree with or insults me or anything along those lines I just ignore it. It bothers me a great deal but I don't want to deal with confrontation or worrying about hurting someone else's feelings. However, if someone says something about any of my family or good friends I will be among the first to say something to stand up for them. (that part I like.)
That sort of leads into my second thing I hate about myself. I am wayyyy too emotional. I take things too personally and I need to learn how to not do that. There are somethings that upset me that really shouldn't and unfortunately I don't know how to stop letting them get to me.
Another thing I hate about myself is my lack of organizational skills. I really need to work harder at it. When it came to my school work I was Obsessive to say the least about how things were and that they were all where they needed to be. At work I like to have my things organized. Sure my desk gets cluttered and messy but I know where all my files are and things get straightened up and I'm much much much more organized than at home. I know it drive J nuts but I just dump things. The house is clean as in it isn't dirty but it is messy and I need to work on it. I need to take the time to work on it.
I need to add in that I also hate that I am scared (and a little lazy) to start doing what I want. I really want to start my own business with wedding related things, planning, invites, etc. But I am scared to death for about a million reasons. I know I need to get over it and just do it. Especially if I want to be able to spend more time with B
I need to take the time to work on all of these things and I just don't know where to begin. (Which is another thing I hate about myself.)
Here is the list of the 30 Truths:
Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself
So here is todays truth: Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
After sitting down to think about this I honestly don't know where to start. There are so many things that I want to change about myself but am normally scared to think about and haven't done anything about. YET.
First I would have to say that I hate that I am scared to speak up for myself. If someone says something that I don't agree with or insults me or anything along those lines I just ignore it. It bothers me a great deal but I don't want to deal with confrontation or worrying about hurting someone else's feelings. However, if someone says something about any of my family or good friends I will be among the first to say something to stand up for them. (that part I like.)
That sort of leads into my second thing I hate about myself. I am wayyyy too emotional. I take things too personally and I need to learn how to not do that. There are somethings that upset me that really shouldn't and unfortunately I don't know how to stop letting them get to me.
Another thing I hate about myself is my lack of organizational skills. I really need to work harder at it. When it came to my school work I was Obsessive to say the least about how things were and that they were all where they needed to be. At work I like to have my things organized. Sure my desk gets cluttered and messy but I know where all my files are and things get straightened up and I'm much much much more organized than at home. I know it drive J nuts but I just dump things. The house is clean as in it isn't dirty but it is messy and I need to work on it. I need to take the time to work on it.
I need to add in that I also hate that I am scared (and a little lazy) to start doing what I want. I really want to start my own business with wedding related things, planning, invites, etc. But I am scared to death for about a million reasons. I know I need to get over it and just do it. Especially if I want to be able to spend more time with B
I need to take the time to work on all of these things and I just don't know where to begin. (Which is another thing I hate about myself.)
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Vacation!!!!
LOVED IT! We had such a great vacation. Sadly though J wasn't with us. :( Our trip was to Naples and we went with my mom, sister and Chance. My brother and his girlfriend met us there and we stayed at my Aunt & Uncle's house. It was such a fun time. Not all that relaxing since traveling with 2 babies isn't the easiest thing ever but in all seriousness it really wasn't that bad.
The babies were just amazing on the flights and sissy and I were so happy about that. We arrived in FL in the afternoon and took a group nap in the living room. What a sight we must have been! That evening Jessy, Chance, Brynn and I ran to Target to get diapers and formula for Chance while mom and Aunt Jo went to get Alex and Kasey from the airport.
Our 2nd day there we went to the beach for a bit! It was so great. Both the babies had their moments of crying but for most of the time they both were happy and had fun in the water. Of course B decided she wanted to eat right away so I nursed her on the beach. That was interesting. It was pretty warm out and with her under the nursing cover I was dying of heat! Thankfully she didn't eat long but as we were about to get in the water it started raining so we all hid out under the beach umbrellas for a few minutes. (Yes I do realize that we were going to be getting wet anyway but the babies weren't going to be going under.) That night my cousin Sarah, her hubby and cousin Ryan all came by my aunt & uncles! It was so great to see all of them. We were quite the loud group, Chance refused to fall asleep because he was just fascinated by all the noise and people.
Thanks for her swim suit Amber!!! I super LOVE it!
The next day we tried to go to a movie with everyone but they wouldn't allow us in with the babies. LAME! You had to be over 3 to go in. Makes total sense if you ask me - don't allow in the sleeping babies but it was perfectly acceptable for the screaming (and I mean screaming) toddlers. So we went to lunch instead. That night we went to a concert at the nearby beach and golf club (literally about 4 blocks away) and mere feet from the beach. It was gorgeous out and a relaxing night.
Sunday we kinda did our own things in that Alex and Kasey went to the Everglades and did an air boat tour. While Jessy, Chance, mom, B and I went with Aunt Jo and Uncle David to look at houses. Found the perfect house for my P's to buy! Then we went swimming. It was a pretty chill day. LOVE LOVE LOVED seeing B in the pool. She is going to be a little fish. She has no choice between the pool at my P's house, my love of swimming and the lake at the cottage. :) She was so cute in her little bikini from Auntie Jessy. Today was also Jeff's 31st Birthday! I felt bad we weren't there to celebrate with him but he had a nice weekend anyway.
On Monday we all drove up to FT Meyers to go to the Edison/Ford Estates. It was pretty interesting and such a gorgeous setting. But man was I hot!!! I don't think I would have been half as hot had I not had B in a carrier but it was fun. We then went to a chocolate shop and got some of the most amazing looking chocolates I have ever seen. Later that night we went mini golfing and Aunt Jo and Uncle David babysat! I think everyone involved had fun. I played lefty just to keep things interesting since I'm not a huge mini golf fan and I got 3 hole in ones! Or is it holes in 1? Either way I got them!
Tuesday Alex and Kasey had to head back to Cali, we were all sad to see them go. But..... Alex is moving home for the winter! WAHOOOOOOOOO! It will be so great having my brother around again. Even if it is only for a few months. But I will get to see him everyday at work! After they left that day we went to an outlet mall and hit up a few stores. Got B some PBJ jammies and a shirt! I'm so in love! She is going to be adorable in them. Picture as soon as she fits in them I promise!!! Well this day ended up not going as planned. Long story short the car keys went MIA. To my Aunt's neighbors car. We spent 3 hours looking for keys/waiting for a tow truck etc. The babies were so good but really they had all they needed... food and clean diapers! We called it an early night after that!
Wednesday we went out to lunch on 5th and then walked around. My mom bought B a Sophie (the giraffe teething toy - no she isn't teething yet) and she loves it! That night we went to Hooters for dinner. Their crab legs really are pretty good. I was impressed! But dinner was a blast! I adore my family. We always know how to have a good time and entertain each other. Uncle David bought B a hooters tank top (she can wear it with her orange diaper and look like a hooters girl) and bought Chance a onesie that says I hit the bottle hard. Pure awesomeness! Oh and it was Chance-a-Roo's 6 month Birthday! Yay Chubby Bubby!!!
Thursday was our day to come home. :( but :) to see Jeff! That morning we went to breakfast and swimming one more time. Plus Jessy gave Chance his first sippy cup. It was so adorable! My dad flew down that day so we met him at the airport and had lunch together. Once again the babies did great on the plane. It was really nice to come home and see Jeff and I was exhausted! But I can't wait to do it all again!
Thanks Mom for bringing us on such a great trip! Thanks Aunt Jo and Uncle David for allowing us to invade your home and making us feel so welcome. It was so great to see everyone! To wrap things up here are a few more of my favorite pictures.
The babies were just amazing on the flights and sissy and I were so happy about that. We arrived in FL in the afternoon and took a group nap in the living room. What a sight we must have been! That evening Jessy, Chance, Brynn and I ran to Target to get diapers and formula for Chance while mom and Aunt Jo went to get Alex and Kasey from the airport.
Our 2nd day there we went to the beach for a bit! It was so great. Both the babies had their moments of crying but for most of the time they both were happy and had fun in the water. Of course B decided she wanted to eat right away so I nursed her on the beach. That was interesting. It was pretty warm out and with her under the nursing cover I was dying of heat! Thankfully she didn't eat long but as we were about to get in the water it started raining so we all hid out under the beach umbrellas for a few minutes. (Yes I do realize that we were going to be getting wet anyway but the babies weren't going to be going under.) That night my cousin Sarah, her hubby and cousin Ryan all came by my aunt & uncles! It was so great to see all of them. We were quite the loud group, Chance refused to fall asleep because he was just fascinated by all the noise and people.
Thanks for her swim suit Amber!!! I super LOVE it!
The next day we tried to go to a movie with everyone but they wouldn't allow us in with the babies. LAME! You had to be over 3 to go in. Makes total sense if you ask me - don't allow in the sleeping babies but it was perfectly acceptable for the screaming (and I mean screaming) toddlers. So we went to lunch instead. That night we went to a concert at the nearby beach and golf club (literally about 4 blocks away) and mere feet from the beach. It was gorgeous out and a relaxing night.
Sunday we kinda did our own things in that Alex and Kasey went to the Everglades and did an air boat tour. While Jessy, Chance, mom, B and I went with Aunt Jo and Uncle David to look at houses. Found the perfect house for my P's to buy! Then we went swimming. It was a pretty chill day. LOVE LOVE LOVED seeing B in the pool. She is going to be a little fish. She has no choice between the pool at my P's house, my love of swimming and the lake at the cottage. :) She was so cute in her little bikini from Auntie Jessy. Today was also Jeff's 31st Birthday! I felt bad we weren't there to celebrate with him but he had a nice weekend anyway.
On Monday we all drove up to FT Meyers to go to the Edison/Ford Estates. It was pretty interesting and such a gorgeous setting. But man was I hot!!! I don't think I would have been half as hot had I not had B in a carrier but it was fun. We then went to a chocolate shop and got some of the most amazing looking chocolates I have ever seen. Later that night we went mini golfing and Aunt Jo and Uncle David babysat! I think everyone involved had fun. I played lefty just to keep things interesting since I'm not a huge mini golf fan and I got 3 hole in ones! Or is it holes in 1? Either way I got them!
Tuesday Alex and Kasey had to head back to Cali, we were all sad to see them go. But..... Alex is moving home for the winter! WAHOOOOOOOOO! It will be so great having my brother around again. Even if it is only for a few months. But I will get to see him everyday at work! After they left that day we went to an outlet mall and hit up a few stores. Got B some PBJ jammies and a shirt! I'm so in love! She is going to be adorable in them. Picture as soon as she fits in them I promise!!! Well this day ended up not going as planned. Long story short the car keys went MIA. To my Aunt's neighbors car. We spent 3 hours looking for keys/waiting for a tow truck etc. The babies were so good but really they had all they needed... food and clean diapers! We called it an early night after that!
Wednesday we went out to lunch on 5th and then walked around. My mom bought B a Sophie (the giraffe teething toy - no she isn't teething yet) and she loves it! That night we went to Hooters for dinner. Their crab legs really are pretty good. I was impressed! But dinner was a blast! I adore my family. We always know how to have a good time and entertain each other. Uncle David bought B a hooters tank top (she can wear it with her orange diaper and look like a hooters girl) and bought Chance a onesie that says I hit the bottle hard. Pure awesomeness! Oh and it was Chance-a-Roo's 6 month Birthday! Yay Chubby Bubby!!!
Thursday was our day to come home. :( but :) to see Jeff! That morning we went to breakfast and swimming one more time. Plus Jessy gave Chance his first sippy cup. It was so adorable! My dad flew down that day so we met him at the airport and had lunch together. Once again the babies did great on the plane. It was really nice to come home and see Jeff and I was exhausted! But I can't wait to do it all again!
Thanks Mom for bringing us on such a great trip! Thanks Aunt Jo and Uncle David for allowing us to invade your home and making us feel so welcome. It was so great to see everyone! To wrap things up here are a few more of my favorite pictures.
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